Balancing the Temperature Scales

In accordance with the International Tolerance of Populace Ignorance Act, this article has been composed as a hybrid of refined and commonplace language. (The feds made us dumb this down for you. TL;DRs are underlined.)

Temperature is a physical quantity that measures degrees of hot and cold on a numerical scale. (Temperature tells you how hot or cold something is.) Experiment has shown that there is a lowest possible temperature, which is called absolute zero; it is denoted by 0 K on the Kelvin scale, -273.15°C on the Celsius scale. (There's a limit to how cold something can be; nothing can be colder than -273.15°C, or else it blows up + zombie apocalypse.)

Much of the world utilizes the Celsius scale, measured in °C, for most temperature measurements. (People outside the U.S. use a scale that makes sense.) It has the same incremental scaling as the Kelvin scale, but fixes its null point as 273.15 K = 0°C, the approximate boiling point of water at standard atmospheric pressure. (Scientists decided to keep their info a secret, so their numbers mean different things.) 

A visual  representation of the various temperature scales.

Belize, Myanmar, Liberia, and the United States use the Fahrenheit scale for common purposes, on which scale water freezes at 32°F and boils at 212°F. (America is too stubborn to realize that there's a better way of doing things.) However, many engineering fields in the U.S., notably high-tech and federal specifications, also use the Kelvin and Celsius scales. (There is still hope for America.) Other engineering fields in the U.S. also rely upon the Rankine scale, a shifted Fahrenheit scale, when working in thermodynamic-related disciplines such as combustion. (Engineers do what they want when they want.)

For practical purposes of scientific temperature measurement, the International System of Units (SI) defines a scale and unit for the thermodynamic temperature by using the easily reproducible temperature of the triple point of water as a second reference point. (Like engineers, SI does whatever they want.) The reason for this choice is that, unlike the freezing and boiling point temperatures, the temperature at the triple point is independent of pressure since the triple point is a fixed point on a two-dimensional plot of pressure vs. temperature. (Yeah, this is all over your head. Just skip to the next one.) For historical reasons, the triple point temperature of water is fixed at 273.16 units of the measurement increment, which has been named the kelvin in honor of the Scottish physicist who first defined the scale. (We named stuff after dead guys. Same old, same old.)

Temperature measurement using modern scientific thermometers and temperature scales goes back at least as far as the early 18th century, when Gabriel Fahrenheit adapted a thermometer by switching to mercury and a scale developed by Ole Christensen Rømer. (Long ago, dead guys did things that explain why nothing makes sense.) 

The table below lists examples of orders of magnitude of various temperature scales. (Here's a completely useless table for you to look at so your eyes don't get too tired.)

Comparison of temperature scales

Comment	Kelvin (Scientists Only Scale)	Celsius (Normal Folks Scale)	Fahrenheit (Crazy US Scale)	Rankine (Crazier than Crazy US Scale)	Delisle (This one's backwards)	Newton (Wait, isn't that force?)	Réaumur (Who's this guy?)	Rømer (Yay, a slashed O!)
Absolute zero	0.00	−273.15	−459.67	0.00	559.73	−90.14	−218.52	−135.90
Lowest recorded surface temperature on Earth	184	−89.2	−128.6	331	284	−29	−71	−39
Fahrenheit's ice/salt mixture	255.37	−17.78	0.00	459.67	176.67	−5.87	−14.22	−1.83
Ice melts	273.15	-0.0001	32.00	491.67	150.00	0.00	0.00	7.50
Triple point of water	273.16	0.01	32.02	491.69	149.99	0.0033	0.008	7.51
Average surface temperature on Earth	288	15	59	519	128	5	12	15
Average human body temperature	310	37	98	558	95	12	29	27
Highest recorded surface temperature on Earth	331	58	136.4	596	63	19	46	38
Water boils	373.13	99.98	211.97	671.64	0.00	33.00	80.00	60.00
Titanium melts	1941	1668	3034	3494	−2352	550	1334	883
The surface of the Sun	5800	5500	9900	10400	−8100	1800	4400	2900