Dead People and Stuff With Their Names

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?

Neither do I; this certainly isn't some sort of ill-timed Christmas post. As much as I love northern Holarctic ungulates in serious need of rhinoplasty, we all know I'd rather talk about dead people.

Humans have a long-standing tradition of naming things after dead people. For example, the city of Cincinnati was named after Roman farmer-turned-dictator Cincinnatus. Much the same can be said for Nashville, Baltimore, and San Diego; all were named after Roman farmers-turned-dictators, a surprisingly large coterie.

But nowhere is the practice of dead-guy-name-recycling more evident than in the scientific community. A few minutes in any college science class worth its salt (read: not soft science) will produce the names of several famous albeit dead guys (usually French), such as James Prescott Joule, Nikola Tesla, and Olivia Newton-John.

New evidence has shown that this deep-rooted tradition stretched its gnarly vines further back in history than we thought. The International System of Units (Le Système international d'unités) defines seven base units that serve as the building blocks from which all other units of measure can be derived. They are the meter, kilogram, second, ampere, kelvin, mole, and candela. 

The ampere and the kelvin are irrefutably named after William Thomson, First Baron Kelvin and André-Marie Ampère, respectively; however, SI recently revealed that all SI base units are named after individuals from scientific history. Below are SI's official biographies of the five recently rediscovered scientists.

森田郎 (Ichirō Meter)

森田郎 (1437?-1589), modernly known as Ichirō Meter, was born in Toyko, Japan to middle-class parents. At the age of 32, Meter moved to England, where his name was anglicized and consistently misspelled as Metre. Meter worked as a physicist, laying much of the groundwork for Sir Isaac Newton, Michael Faraday, and Sir James Paul McCartney.

After his success as a physicist, Meter turned to alternative medicine later in life. Meter's remarkable longevity is due to his pioneering research in the field of essential oils; he is best known as the first to distill the essential oil of the lavender, wild orange, and OnGuard plants.

Stephen Waldo Kilogram

Stephen Waldo Kilogram (1990-present?) is an American chemist. Kilogram's discovery of time-travelling technology in 1852 led to the adoption of the kilogram as SI's unit of mass in 1795. Kilogram is also notable for his work with Casiodoro Gram (no relation) in the 24th century. Kilogram served as the inspiration for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Where's Waldo?.

Kilogram was last seen during the Great Lisbon earthquake in 1755. The current whereabouts and whenabouts of Kilogram are unknown, but he is believed to be somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy about 5.8 millenia ago.

Zéphyr the Second

Zéphyr the Second (1273?-1314 AD) was the sixth incarnation of the Avatar in the modern era. Zéphyr was known for his role as Time Guardian, during which he protected the continuum of time against ill-meaning viruses. His successful defense against the time-version of HIV earned Zéphyr notable status with SI.

Not wishing to besmirch the name of previous Avatars, Zéphyr opted for the unit to be called the second, since "I am most certainly not the first nor the last Zéphyr." Not much is known about the life of Zéphyr the Second, but it is assumed he was red-headed, as were his namesake Zéphyr the First and his immediate successor Amelia Pond. 

Condylura cristata (Star-nosed Mole)

The mole was not named after a scientist, but rather after Condylura cristata, the star-nosed mole. Norse explorer Leif Ericson (Old Norse: Leifr Eiríksson) coincidentally discovered both C. cristata and the unit now known as the mole aboard his vessel en route to Helluland (likely Baffin Island) around the turn of the tenth century.  

Leif originally named the unit the Breiðafjöður after the area of Iceland where he was (probably) born. However, the SI renamed the unit after C. cristata, Leif's soricomorphic nemesis, purely to spite all Scandinavians for generations. And because having two ð's in one word is against longstanding SI standards established in 2012.

Ashley Candela

Ashley Candela (1872-1940) was a Nigerian prince yam farmer. Candela was often made fun of by his peers for his small yam yield and his feminine given name. Subsequently, Candela spent the latter 50 years of his life alone in a small hut studying Shakespeare by candlelight. It is probable that Candela died alone with fewer than a dozen acquaintances. Candela was posthumously selected at random as the Grand Prize Winner of SI's Name a Unit After Yourself Sweepstakes in 2006.