SEC Takes Over College Football, and Christmas

Edgar

The SEC, or the Securities and Exchange Commission as it is sometimes called, is mad that only two of its teams can play in the BCS, which is "more compact and easier to handle than its bulky competitors."  The commission's child, Edgar, continues to read the same thing over and over, for all of eternity, as though his soul were stolen by one of those newfangled photographic devices.  

In the meantime, there are lawsuits flying every which way because of the SEC's outrageous complaints.  There are probably lawshirts, lawshoes, lawskirts, and other pieces of lawclothing flying around as well.  Most of these lawsuits are aimed at reaching children in need. Many children are not able to afford their own lawclothing, and it's important that the community take action in helping them reach their potential.  

That's why, this Christmas, the SEC, ABA, and ABBA have teamed up to bring you the Feed the Children Christmas Concert Series.  Tune in every Friday night at 8pm EST on ABBC.  There will be 800 numbers for you to call and vote for your favorite act of the night.  Please be sure to call the right number -- there are 800 of them, after all.  The act with the most votes will run an impossible obstacle course, riddled with poor commentary and a laugh track.  It is guaranteed to lower the entertainment value of television in general.  Somehow, your votes will be magically turned into money which will be taken to Africa.  We promise.