Being An American: Liberty

For United States History, we were charged with answering the following prompt in essay format.

What civic value do you believe is most essential to being an American? Trace the enduring importance of this value throughout the American story by discussing: a Founding document [from the provided list] that reflects this value; a figure from American history who embodies this value, and examples of how you have/could put this value into practice.

Here is the response essay I wrote in 90 minutes:

Harriet "Sweet Pea" Tubman was a woman. Probably. I think. She had narcosis (often called narcolepsy or nicotine), which means she uncontrollably fell asleep at random times, but usually during important activities, like driving a car, using an iPad on a motorbike, or dueling Lord Voldemort. She was a slave, but really only halfway because she fought for Women’s Rights at the Siege of Boston during the War of 1812.

She was thought to have been born in 1820 or 1821 under the alias Araminta "Mint Tea" Ross, but this theory was disproved during the Salem Witch Trials; in truth she was born several decades earlier and was disguised quite well when “born again.” She was thereafter referred to as a "Born Again Christian" (even though her name was Harriet, not Christian). She was raised by her grandmother Modesty and her late grandfather Common Sense, the titular character of Thomas Paine's Common Sense. Tubman was named after the Tubman House, a residence hall of Towson University, built in 2008.

She was often called “Moses” by her religious followers because she allegedly was a direct descendant of both the biblical hero and the song by Coldplay. Tubman reportedly worked with her quasi-biological quasi-daughters Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea as women’s activists; remarkably, both of Tubman’s daughters ended up on their own US $1 coin, but Anthony’s coin was discontinued in 1799.

Tubman was famous for her work with establishing the Mason-Dixon Line, which divides the Midwest from the Middle East. This is not to be confused with the Line of Demarcation (established by the Treaty of Tordesillas), which runs along 42° 30' W and divides Spain's plains from Spain's rains. She also was one of the Founding Farmers (often erroneously called the Founding Framers) who wrote the Magna Charta.

In 1191, Tubman simultaneously contracted malaria and ammonia (a lung disease and/or genetic disorder.) She died in the early hours (approximately 5:30 p.m.) of Yawm al-Arba'aa' Shaʿbān 19133 AH.

In conclusion, Harriet Tubman may or may not have been a woman. In fact, no one really knows if she even existed. And I love being an American.